Van Helsing’s All Natural Mouthwash
Style: Vegetable Beer
ABV: 5%
Presentation: Single 341 ml brown bottle
Brewery: Alley Kat Brewing Co. exclusive for Sherbrooke Liquor
Country: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
KANPAI! w/ Jeff Werstiuk
In the quiet fog of a chilly, hushed morning a lone small wooden craft deftly sliced through the currents and eddies of a glassy, indifferent surface belonging to the North Saskatchewan River. All along the river valley dogs barked and birds alit from the skeletal branches of the endless trees as this foreign dilapidated vessel ominously sailed by haphazardly, as if on a crash course with destiny, or perhaps its untimely doom. Old, nearly rotted boards creaked, some hanging out with protesting nails exposed for the world to see that they had already outlived their simple yet vital purpose. Without warning this ferry of uncertainty ran aground with a sudden jarring thud, while in the space of a heartbeat a massive feral beast leaped ashore, pausing only long enough to let out an unearthly howl before it disappeared into the shadow and brush. Further inspection of this pitiful, desolate boat would reveal the occupancy of a single, ashen figure;
a woe-begotten soul with sunken, hollow eyes who was clothed solely by the sun bleached tatters of what once could be assumed to have been human clothing. With both hands lashed to the boat wheel by rags, he clutched a solitary brown bottle with what could only be assumed the last of his mortal strength. Gasping a long held sigh of relief the bottle dropped to the decrepit filth-strewn deck where it rolled off the edge and landed hard enough to mount itself upright into the muddy riverbank. The label read Van Helsing’s All Natural Mouthwash. And it’s the cure for whatever ails you, no matter how fiendish…..
Fortunately the kind and talented folks at the Alley Kat Brewery were able to reproduce this miracle liquid to assist us decent folk of Edmonton to keep the bogeys and the ghastly shadows at bay. And while I only play a doctor on television, there may be a good chance that this may be the closest thing we have for a cure to the common cold so far. If nothing else it goes great with pasta!
The prognosis of this miracle liquid can be summed up thusly. After removing the seal and transferring the contents to a prescribed drinking vessel be prepared to be greeted by a libation of a deep golden hue, lots of carbonation present, and a decent amount of creamy white head that settles to a thin frothy cap. Depending on your taste you may fish out the garlic clove found within the bottle and add it to the awaiting drinking receptacle, or leave it be where it is, or save it to cook with later on in the day since it will already be pleasantly marinated from the malty goodness it had been resting within. Several precautionary inhalations will exhibit a faint biscuity malt, however the predominant characteristic shall be that of a healthy dose of warming garlic-not too slight, and not too overwhelming, but just right. The Baby Bear’s version of Italian bliss. Yet for those faint of heart the flavour has a healthy dose of biscuit malt that carries an essential yet refined infusion of garlic. The mouthfeel is medium-bodied, rounded, yet with some carbonation kick and bite. If you are one of the few who can’t stand the flavour of garlic, you are out of luck here, and perhaps this is an elixir best avoided. For you I would recommend sleeping with the lights on from now on, with sharpened stakes close at hands and your windows and doors nailed shut. Perhaps some holy relics resting under the pillows.
As wonderful as Van Helsing’s All Natural Mouthwash is at repelling creatures of the night, bogarts and ghouls (along with first dates and potential employers), it is an amazing compliment for fine dining as well, truly versatile. It does wonders alongside Italian, Thai and Chinese dishes, and is the perfect dance partner for any garlic-laced dish you can imagine and whip up. Repel the undead and entice fellow garlic lovers at the same time, Van Helsing’s All Natural Mouthwash will help you keep all your bases covered. Beware and drink well!
The next steps in the cooler:
Also From Sherbrooke:
Chocolate Cherry Ostiarius
Bad Hare Day
Sherbrooke Shamrock
Pi Jiu
Aaiieeeeeeeeee Caramba!
Also From Alley Kat:
Aprikat
Full Moon Pale Ale
Alley Kat Amber
Charlie Flint’s Original Lager
Pumpkin Pi Spiced Ale
KGB Imperial Stout
Other Unique Beers:
Midas Touch - Dogfish Head
Rogue Chipotle Ale
Rogue Juniper AleTags: Canada